Normally I don’t believe in making resolutions. Mostly because I never stick to them. But this year I’ve decided to make the kind that I can actually keep. Here goes….
1. I resolve not to compare NaijaWife to Voltron anymore…I’ll just find some other cartoon character for comparison.
2. I promise not to eat NaijaWife’s Jacob’s Crackers any more….but her Rich Tea is still fair game.
3. I resolve to make an effort to do more fixing around the house. I don’t resolve to actually be good at it though.
4. I resolve to always believe my wife is the sexiest woman in the world….no matter how many hair nets she wears or how many chicken bones she decimates in my presence.
5. I resolve to never be this man. Ever.
6. I resolve to never make my wife kneel in public….but in private, anything goes.
7. I resolve to find new ways to avoid NaijaWife saying “If you like.”
8. I resolve not to give my wife any reasons to bear a grudge against me…this probably means I will have to stop doing anything and everything that I normally do. Such as breathing….but that should be easy enough.
9. I resolve to never give NaijaWife any fears that we will go broke, or have to resort to stealing food in sandwich bags…and to finally give her that budget for Brazilian weaves.
10. I resolve to continue doing the homework we receive from our counseling. That shouldn’t be too hard as I plan to just copy the answers in her book.
11. I resolve to continue to make her the One. Over and over again.
12. I resolve to continue to respect her as my partner and life companion. I’m not interested in finding another one.
13. I resolve to stop sneaking into her bathroom behind her back. I also resolve to use the toilet less. Which means I will have to eat less…which pushes me closer to the six pack I’ve always wanted…so this is a win-win situation.
14. I resolve to use lotion. This will be hard for me, but she’s threatened to destroy my ipad mini if I don’t.
15. Unlike most people, I resolve to read fewer books in 2014. They’re just bad for my health.
16. I resolve not to flip out the next time she asks me “What are you doing?”…I will simply respond with “I dunno. What are YOU doing?” (She really hates it when I do that.)
17. I resolve not to deliberately antagonize my wife. No matter how much fun it is. .
18. I resolve to try (emphasis on TRY) not to ignore her when I’m watching television. She shouldn’t have to fall ill before I pay attention to her.
19. I resolve to communicate better with my wife, no matter how jammed I am at work.
20. I resolve to write her more letters. She really likes them for some reason.
21. I resolve not to poke fun at her misadventures. There’s always a lesson to be learned from the Close Encounters of the NaijaWife kind.
22. I resolve to buy her better gifts. But as one last hurrah, I wrapped her 2013 gift in newspaper. Just for old time’s sake.
23. I resolve to always be grateful to our readers.
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